The incidence of dowry in the country is a fairly high chance. Over a period of time, it has evolved from something that was supposed to be a gift given to the bride (and maybe the only thing given to the daughter of the house from the family property) to something that is seen as the right of the groom’s family. The belief is that if the son is skilled or from a good family, or of the right caste, then it is the right of the girl’s family to open their wallets and give umpteen amounts for the marriage. There are people who dispute the amount of dowry prevalent in today’s society, but open the newspapers or see TV, and you will society temporarily idolizing the girl who stood up to the dowry seekers, or you will read more grisly tales of brides being subjected to torture or being killed due to problems with the dowry being paid. In many cases, it is not cash, but the demand is for a vehicle, or even more subtly, a loan (never to be returned), to help the boy do better in a business or some other need. I know a case where a boy’s grandparents demanded a car at the last moment (within 10 days of the marriage), and the poor parents felt that they had no option other than to give in and mobilize the funds to buy and give the car.
So, there are a set of laws to even the scale; these laws would not actually pass the test of being totally lawful since they do weigh more in favor of the girl. Many would argue that this is right, since society is totally in favor of the demands by the groom. However, as always happens when there are a set of laws that are more in favor of one section, the misuse of these laws happen. So, for all the times when the dowry laws help a tortured or suppressed girl, there are numerous other cases where the same law is used to threaten the family of a groom where there has been no incidence of dowry. For a case where there has been marital discord, the threatened use of dowry can turn the tables, since the groom’s family have learned to fear the use of dowry laws. The allegation of dowry can bring about unwanted media attention including vilification, closer attention by cops (maybe some days in jail as well), and a significant pressure level to settle the case.
Surprising, but it happens in India. And the only reason that this could happen is because this involves a craze among Indians that is bigger than the one involving taking dowry, namely the craze for getting a citizenship of the developed world. For this craze, people are willing to pay huge amounts of money, live in horrid conditions and risk death to reach a place through illegal immigration, so if you can do this legally, you can pay much more. The groom would even be willing to let go of many pre-conditions such as the bride being elder than him, and so on.
Marry in Puducherry, honeymoon for the rest of your life in Paris. But first, dish out. In this exotic former French colony, young men are making a beeline for French belles, with starry eyes, pounding hearts - and bulging wallets. But marital bliss doesn’t come cheap. The brides, Indian-origin French citizens, demand and get dowries between Rs 2 lakh and Rs 50 lakh.
Sometimes good intentions can lead to ill-effects as well. The condition of women in India overall needs a great deal of improvement. Dowry deaths, harrassement, female infant killing, eve-teasing and molestation, all of these happen to a large extent in our country, much more than we as a society should tolerate. To change society, there are a number of educational and empowerment measures that should be taken, but giving legal protection to women is also necessary. And hence the need for some strict anti-dowry laws and to protect women against domestic violence.
This is where problems start arising. Owing to the fact that in many of these situation, the oppressed women find it hard to find proof, the laws have been slanted in their favor and the burden of proof has been made much lower. And therein lies the scope for misuse. Given the slant of these laws, it is very easy for a lady to misuse such laws. So, among the many genuine cases of dowry harrasement, there will be cases where innocent people have also been caught.
Why does dowry still exist ? There is an increasing trend towards demonizing dowry seekers in the media, in papers, and through demonstrations. One would have expected that by now, dowry seekers would have realized that demanding dowry is a double edged sword. No matter how attractive, handsome, rich, educated, high-earning your son is, if you push the bride’s family beyond a certain point, there exists the possibility of the police and media getting called, and then you are really in deep trouble. Because of the deep prevalence of dowry in society, the laws against dowry are pretty harsh, with the intention of seeking to level the balance of power (and many would say, have given the girl’s side much higher power through a slant in the law requiring the groom’s side to prove their innocence).
And yet people don’t learn. Here is an Indian family from the US that apparently demanded dowry, and when the bride’s family refused, there was an altercation, leading to the arrest of the groom. Now, it is very much possible that the groom’s side was being very demanding, and hence at some point, the police was called and once the magic words of dowry are uttered, things would spin out of control for the boy and his family. It is also possible that there was some misunderstanding, and based on that, dowry laws were invoked giving a major power point for the bride’s family.
After the Domestic Violence Law was enacted, there was immense controversy about whether the law would help save the fate of innumerable women who face dowry claims, who face abuse in their households over whether they they give birth to male children vs. female children, and about their overall status in the household. Sadly, a lot of this abuse is also directed at them from other females in the household; or whether the law would end up being misused. No clear answers, but 2 separate stories. As an example, read this article:
It is a horror story of sorts. Two Vadodara women, who could not bear the macabre torture meted out to them by their husband for not bearing a son, have escaped to Ahmedabad to get their gut-wrenching tale heard and dealt with.
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Quite a few people would have seen this photograph in their morning paper (TOI) from a few days back, and been shocked by it. In a conservative city such as Rajkot, such a form of protest would be all the more shocking.
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